Waiting

June 1st, 2023

Asher has been upset. He’s two and a half years old, and it’s not unusual for toddlers to throw tantrums and be emotionally intense. However, this is more than just the typical moodiness of a small child. This is more serious than that.

On Sunday night, the person that Asher’s needs the most had to leave our home. The person was not behaving in a rational way and was a hazard to the rest of us. Alcohol abuse is a dangerous thing, and not only to the user. The person was aware that they would be kicked out, but they couldn’t stop themselves. They still can’t.

Asher knows on a gut level that something is very, very wrong. He doesn’t understand what that something is. I don’t understand what it is. Honestly, I don’t think that anyone truly understands addiction. If Asher was older, I could try to explain the situation to him, but how do I explain something to somebody when that something is by nature irrational? How do I make sense of it?

I don’t make sense of it. I can’t. It’s beyond me. It just is. I try to deal with the situation, and we try to care for Asher as best we can. My wife and I are his guardians, and we are morally and legally responsible for the boy’s safety and wellbeing. We just try to love him.

Asher loves the person who is now absent from his life. We love that person too, probably more than the individual realizes.

The current state of affairs is not sustainable. The person is still using, as far as we know. Eventually, something has to give. The person may go to treatment again. The person might die. We don’t know.

We are waiting.