Listening

August 26th, 2024

Several years ago, my wife and I stayed in Seattle with a woman who was very hospitable toward us, even though we had just met her. Karin and I had been staying with two Buddhist monks at their temple, but they needed to be away for a couple days, so we were introduced to Myra, and she welcomed us into her home with open arms. Like our two Buddhist friends, Myra was an avid peace activist, and she definitely qualified as a progressive. She showed us around her home city, and she went out of her way to befriend us.

During our short stay in her home, Myra and I had long conversations. We discussed a wide range of topics, and Myra prided herself on being open-minded. At one point, I talked to her about our oldest son, Hans, who had fought in Iraq and who was a gun enthusiast. As I described his love of firearms, she became visibly agitated and blurted out,

“I could never talk with somebody like that.”

Her comment stunned me. She had never met Hans, and she only knew about him what little I had told her. However, she decided on that limited amount of information that Hans was a person whom she couldn’t tolerate. Based on her visceral opposition to guns, Hans was a persona non grata.

A few years later, Karin and I were back with the Buddhist monks. We were with them participating in an activity sponsored by Ground Zero, an antiwar group located right next to a nuclear submarine base. A young woman from New York showed up. I greeted her and started a conversation. As I introduced myself, I mentioned that I was a vet. Her reaction to my comment was swift:

“I feel sorry for you!”

End of conversation. She wanted nothing to do with me based on my military experience, and at that point, I wasn’t very interested in talking to her either. However, this young woman lent Karin a shawl later in the day when the weather turned cold, so she had a generous heart. She just couldn’t stand to talk with a veteran.

Several years ago, I attended a national conference about immigration rights. For some reason, Planned Parenthood had a booth set up at the meeting. I am a Catholic, but I decided to stop and talked with the young lady at the booth. We had an honest and open discussion about abortion and the other things that Planned Parenthood does. I found it to be very interesting. When I got home, I spoke with a member of our church about it. The man was a conservative Catholic completely opposed to abortion. He told me,

“I’ve never talked with anyone from Planned Parenthood”, and the tone of his voice made it clear to me that he had no intention of ever talking to somebody from that organization.

Recently, the pro-Palestinian students at a nearby university built an encampment. I went to talk with them. I didn’t actually get to talk with the students, but I spoke to an older woman who was apparently their acting den mother. I mentioned my visit to members of the synagogue that I attend, and some of them made it clear that they would never interact with the people there.

I think it is unwise to ignore people because their views are abhorrent to me. It is good to understand another person even if they are your adversary, or especially if they are.

I find it useful to talk with people who hold viewpoints different than my own. I learn new things that way. I don’t necessarily find that to be easy. I may not like them or their opinions. However, I often see better the flaws in my own thinking. I try not to dismiss somebody sight unseen and voice unheard. If I do that, I miss out on something., maybe something important.