Values

October 9th, 2024

I had a long conversation with a friend who thinks deeply. We were discussing diversity in the United States. He maintained that America is far too diverse to qualify as a nation. He sees our country as having too many religions, too many ethnicities, and too many cultures to be unified in any real sense. In particular, he noted the absence of communal values among the U.S. population. He mentioned that if you bring up any major political issue, be it abortion, 2nd Amendment rights, LGBTQ, religion in public schools, et cetera, you find starkly contrasting viewpoints. There seems to be no common ground.

It made me remember something I did many years ago. I used to be involved as a volunteer with a program that tried to help families with troubled teenagers to function better. Once a week for twelve weeks, a group of us would discuss an issue that affects how family members interact with each other. One week we always talked about family values. As part of the discussion, we had an activity to get people moving and thinking.

The activity was called “Values Voting”. It was rather simple. On one end of the room, we placed a sign that said “Agree”, and on the opposite side of the room we put up a sign that said, “Disagree”. We instructed the family members to listen to a statement and then decide if they agreed or disagreed with it. If they agreed, they moved to side of the room with the “Agree” sign, if not, they walked over to the side with the “Disagree” sign. If they couldn’t decide, they stood awkwardly in the middle of the room.

We, the facilitators, actively sought out controversial or inflammatory statements to give to the participants in the exercise. We said things like “gays are bad” or “abortion is a human right”. We did not necessarily believe any of these statements ourselves. We just wanted to see where each family member wound up.

After the family members chose a position, one thing became apparent. To the shock of many participants, they found that some of their loved ones had very different opinions on certain topics. That was the first learning moment. It is often assumed, especially by parents, that the members of the family all agree on most things. Not.

We then asked each participant why they were standing where they were. We asked each of them what core value lies beneath their position. There was often a long pause while the individual thought about these questions. The person sometimes had never even considered why they held a certain opinion. Many of them had to dig deep to explain their viewpoint. We did not judge any expressed value as being good or bad. We just wanted each person to reflect on why they were standing in a particular place. More than one individual was surprised with what they discovered about themselves.

So, what does any of this have to do with our country’s values? Well, what do we actually believe in? Freedom? Everybody in America loves freedom. Find me two people that have the same definition of the word. People in America say they want a strong defense. What does that mean? What is a strong economy? Is there any consensus as to what that looks like?

What we need is a room the size of the United States where everybody can state their views and then explain why they hold them. Then maybe we can sort this out.

This may take a while.