November 10th, 2024
I know a man who has been working overseas for over a decade. Prior to moving to Germany, he lived in our local area, and many of his family members are here. He returns to Milwaukee once a year, usually during September. He stays in town for a few weeks and then goes back to Europe. When he arrives, he has a busy schedule of visiting with friends and relatives. At some point during his stay, he meets up with his grandchildren. I have no idea how much time he spends with them. I suspect it is only a small portion of his entire sojourn.
The man likes to talk about the interactions he has with his grandkids. He goes on and on about the fun things that they do together. He is convinced that he has a deep relationship with these young people.
I find that hard to believe. I don’t doubt that he gets along well with his grandchildren. I am sure that they are glad to see him when he comes to visit each year. However, how can he really know them of only sees them for such a short period of time?
My wife and I just got back home from visiting our three little grandchildren in Texas. We only see them once or twice in a year, and only for a week at a time. I can’t speak for my wife, but I don’t feel like I know the kids very well. I can’t possibly know them. I don’t interact with them often enough or long enough. To know a person, really know a person, it is usually necessary to be with them physically for an extended period of time. I would need to be with my Texan grandchildren for weeks or months in order to understand who they are. A few days out of the year just don’t cut it. To them I am just a tourist, somebody who enters their life briefly and then promptly leaves again.
The contrast between my relationship with the Texan kids and our other grandson, Asher, is striking. My wife and I are fulltime caregivers for Asher. He is always with us. After almost four years, I know that boy very well, and he knows me. My connection to Asher is more akin to the bond I would have with a son as opposed to a grandson. I am with Asher when he is healthy and happy, and I am with him when he is angry or sick. The man I know from Germany thinks he has a close relationship with his grandkids. I know that I am close to Asher.
I would very much like to be near to the Texans, if not in geographical terms, then at least in emotional terms. At this point in time, I don’t know how to do that. They don’t have the ability to come up to Wisconsin, and my wife and I can’t spend more time down in Texas. Things will eventually change. In a few years, one or more of the kids from down south may be able to come up and spend summers at our house. Or maybe, I will be able to go down there on my own, and my wife can watch over Asher for a while when he older. We do video calls with the Texans, but that’s not the same as being with them. It just isn’t.
Being there matters.
Frank is Emptiness 