March 23rd, 2025
“And there’s always retrospect
(when you’re looking back)
To light a clearer path
Every five years or so I look back on my life
And I have a good laugh
You start at the top
(start at the top)
Go full circle round
Catch a breeze
Take a spill
But ending up where I started again
Makes me wanna stand still” – from the song Watershed by the Indigo Girls
I had lunch on Wednesday with a good friend, and then I did the same thing with another friend on Friday. In between, on Thursday, I turned sixty-seven years old. I spent both lunches talking about getting old. For some reason that was on my mind.
Both of my friends are older than I am. They have more experience and wisdom. One of them is eighty-three. I mentioned to him that he can’t even see sixty-seven in his review mirror anymore. I talked to my friends about looking back on my life and thinking about stupid things that I had done. They both said that was basically a waste of time, a true rabbit hole There is no point of reviewing old mistakes because all of that is in the past and there isn’t a damn thing that can be done about any of it.
This is of course true. Pondering the past only has value if lessons can be learned that have an impact on the present. The present is all there is: no past, no future, only now. For all three of us, the now is packed solid with responsibilities. There really isn’t time to ruminate on things that might have been. Reminiscing is like a hobby. It’s an activity for people who have time on their hands. My friends and I don’t have that luxury. Our present lives have a full schedule.
My two friends spend a great deal of their time caring for sick spouses. I spend my days (and often my nights) watching over a four-year-old boy. All three of us have a mission to perform. We each have our reasons to get up in the morning and we know that others depend on us. Our lives are sometimes difficult, but we all have a clear purpose. That makes all the difference.
When we meet, we bitch about our struggles, but we wouldn’t think of abandoning our loved ones in their need. We are blessed in an odd way. We know what needs to be done, and we do it. The people I pity are those who seem lost and bored with life. They don’t want to commit to anything or get involved. They exist, but they don’t really live.
Every day we are up on the watershed.
“Up on the watershed
Standing at the fork in the road
You can stand there and agonize
Till your agony’s your heaviest load
You’ll never fly as the crow flies
Get used to a country mile
When you’re learning to face
The path at your pace
Every choice is worth your while” – from Watershed
Frank is Emptiness 