books – Page 2 – Frank is Emptiness

Dragons

July 3rd, 2025

“There are dragons ahead!”

Thus proclaimed our grandson, Asher, at supper last night. His statement came completely out of the blue. Asher is four and a half years old, and he tends to say things that. He was calmly eating some French toast when he decided to mention dragons. I don’t know why. Maybe he didn’t either.

His comment made me think of the old medieval maps that were based partly on facts and mostly on wishful thinking. The cartographers of that time drew up charts describing the few areas of the world that they knew and then filled up the remaining blank spaces on the parchment by using their imaginations. A popular way of explaining the unknown was to write, “There be dragons”.

Perhaps these old mapmakers were right.

After Asher mentioned dragons my wife, Karin, talked about an old song from Peter, Paul, and Mary called “Puff, the Magic Dragon”. Karin tried to sing the song for Asher but couldn’t remember the lyrics. I could remember most of them, but I didn’t want to sing. Something caught in my throat when I recalled the last verse on Puff. The was a pang of intense sadness.

After supper, I tried to dig up a recording of the song. If I was at all competent with technology, I would have looked it up online. However, I don’t have a smart phone. I do have a sound system with an ancient turntable that I bought back in 1982. I also have a vinyl record from Peter, Paul, and Mary which has the song on it. I dug out the album, pulled the record from the jacket, and played Puff for Asher. Some old, well-used vinyl discs have that crackle and pop that is both endearing and infuriating. This record did. Asher listened to the music, although he was mostly fascinated by how the phonograph player worked.

The first two verses of the song are a story about a boy’s adventure and his fantasy. The child mentioned in the song is Little Jack Paper. The boy reminded a lot of Asher. I can easily imagine Asher having a dragon for a friend.

“Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee,
Little Jackie Paper loved that rascal Puff,
and brought him strings and sealing wax and other fancy stuff. Oh

Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee,
Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee.

Together they would travel on a boat with billowed sail
Jackie kept a lookout perched on Puff’s gigantic tail,
Noble kings and princes would bow whene’er they came,
Pirate ships would lower their flag when Puff roared out his name. Oh!

The song makes me think of other dragon stories. Dragons are found in oral traditions and in dreams. Despite the fact that these are mythical creatures, they are universal parts of the human history. They do not fly around the skies, but somehow, they still exist.

Carl Sagan wrote a book about dragons, aptly titled The Dragons of Eden. He does not suggest that there were ever physical dragons, but in his study of human evolution, he says that dragons are part of our innermost being. He states that they slumber fitfully in the R-complex of the human brain, an extremely archaic part of the organ that contains “the aggressive and ritualistic reptilian component”. Anecdotally, Sagan asks, “Is it only an accident that the common human sounds commanding silence or attracting attention seem strangely imitative of the hissing of reptiles?” We don’t see the dragons in the material world. We find them in our dreams.

In The Power of Myth from Joseph Campbell and Bill Moyers, the two authors, discuss the topic of dragons. Moyers asks, “How do I slay the dragon in me?” Campbell replies by telling Moyers that slaying the dragon is about a person following his bliss and breaking down internal barriers. Campbell says, “The ultimate dragon is within you, it is your ego clamping you down.”

If the dragon is within each person, it is also part of the humanity as a whole. Campbell also says that “The myth is a public dream, and the dream is a private myth.” The serpent that hides in my subconscious is hissing within every person on earth.

Th last verse of the song is as follows:

“A dragon lives forever but not so little boys
Painted wings and giant rings make way for other toys.
One grey night it happened, Jackie Paper came no more
And Puff that mighty dragon, he ceased his fearless roar.

His head was bent in sorrow, green scales fell like rain,
Puff no longer went to play along the cherry lane.
Without his life-long friend, Puff could not be brave,
So Puff that mighty dragon sadly slipped into his cave. Oh!

This verse makes me want to weep. But for whom should I cry? For the little boy who must grow up? Or for the dragon who has forever lost a friend?

If the dragon is within us, can we ever leave it behind? Must we always try to slay it? Is it possible to befriend the dragon, fearsome as it may be?

Can my dragon be like Puff?

Fathers and Sons

June 28th, 2025

Conflicts between fathers and sons are inherent in the human experience. Myths from all times and all places tell stories of the struggles between the generations. The Bible, especially in the Book of Genesis, describes fraught relationships between the patriarchs and their children. These tales from various sources are uniformly disturbing and often violent.

They are also very real.

I’m old enough to know how these fights work out, or don’t work out. I’ve been in the role of the son and that of the father. Neither position is pleasant. As I look back, the power struggles were somehow inevitable. That doesn’t make them any less traumatic. It just means that I can accept the results of those episodes.

I had several intense confrontations with my father. They all ended inconclusively. Nothing was ever resolved. We would separate for a while and then make an uneasy truce. There was always a reside of resentment. The issues at the core of our fights were still there lurking in the background. My dad has been dead since 2018. We never really reconciled, not completely. Now we can’t.

In 2009 my oldest son, Hans, joined the Army. He did this knowing full well that my wife and I did not want him to be a soldier. I had been an Army officer in my youth, and I knew to a certain extent what Hans was doing. I also knew that he was going to war, guaranteed. If he joined the military, he would be deployed to Iraq or Afghanistan. Hans knew that too and signed up anyway.

Hans’ decision hit me and my wife hard. I was upset for quite a while, and Hans and I did not communicate for several weeks. My wife and I traveled to Fort Knox, Kentucky, for Hans’ graduation from basic training. I found that to be deeply troubling. Eventually, in 2011, Hans was deployed to Iraq. Most of the things I feared came to pass. Hans was wounded. Hans killed people (plural). He came back a very different person.

Hans became his own man. Doing that had its costs, both physically and emotionally, and maybe spiritually. Reestablishing a relationship with me also has had its costs. We are close again, but on very different terms.

A few years after Hans came back from his war, I sat with him and had a couple beers. I told him how hurt his mom and I were when he enlisted. Hans smiled at me and said,

“That was a pretty big fuck you, wasn’t it?”

Indeed, it was, but it was necessary for both of us.

Generation Gap

May 26th, 2025

I took Asher to a playground yesterday. My grandson likes to go to a local park that has a sandbox. The sandbox is big enough that he can use his shovel and rake to make roads for his Hot Wheel cars. Occasionally, he buries them and forgets where they are hidden. I expect that some other four-year-old will play archeologist and find the cars later. Fortunately, Asher has a plethora of toy cars, so it’s not a crisis if he loses one.

Asher decided to play on the monkey bars and the swings while we were at the park. Other kids were there at the same time. Another couple my age (old) came to the playground with their young boys. I didn’t pay much attention to them. Then I heard somebody call out my name. I turned away from Asher and noticed a tall, grey-haired gentleman smiling and walking in my direction.

I did not immediately recognize the guy. He greeted me and then I knew him. He didn’t look the way I remembered him, but his voice was the same as it was years ago. He sported a different haircut. His hair was steel grey and brushed back. He wore glasses with black rims. It took me a moment to match the person standing in front of me with the man I worked with over a decade ago.

We talked for a bit as we watched over our grandkids. My friend is caring for his grandsons like I care for Asher, except that his gig was parttime. My wife and I are Asher’s guardians, so he is with us always. My former coworker is responsible for his grandchildren every other weekend. That’s still a big commitment.

My friend made some small talk, and then he mentioned his son. I had met his son once a long time ago. From what I remembered, his boy had issues with drugs. I didn’t want to ask the guy any questions about that, but he brought the subject up on his own.

The man told me this about his son, “He passed away a couple year ago, back in 2022. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He was shot and killed.”

Ow.

How does a father deal with that? My dad buried two of his sons. He never got over it. One of my brothers died in a freak car accident. The other died of a heart attack. But how does it feel when a child dies due to an act of violence? How does a parent come to terms with the fact that a son or daughter has been killed by someone else?

One answer to that question is that the parent cares for the survivors, or as my friend calls them, “innocent victims”. The grandparent fills the void left by the absence of their own child by taking responsibility for the children of that son or daughter. There is a generation gap, and somebody needs make it whole.

As I think about it, I have come to realize how common this situation is. My friend and I are not the only grandparents, or older people, caring for small children. I had a friend from a Bible study group who was caring for her grandson. The boy’s parents were addicts and abandoned their son. The grandmother died relatively young from cancer, and her husband adopted the young man. I have a younger brother who is raising a little boy with his wife. The lad is the grandnephew of my brother’s wife. His biological parents are both dead. My brother and his wife adopted the little guy.

There are any number of reasons why a kid’s parents might be absent. Some reasons are dramatic, some not. Sometimes the absence is temporary, sometimes it’s permanent. Regardless, the child needs someone to provide love and protection. That may mean that an elder has to raise another generation.