christmas – Frank is Emptiness

Incarnation

December 24th, 2025

Karin, Asher, and I attended the Christmas Vigil Mass at St. Rita’s yesterday evening. Asher went with some reluctance. We had to threaten him with a loss of possible Christmas gifts to get him to go. Karin, being a German, has been telling Asher that “Christkind” (the Christ child) won’t bring him presents unless he is a good boy, which means he needs to be at church to celebrate Christkind’s birthday. Asher was fine once we got there. Upon our return home, he was happy to learn that Christkind kept his part of the bargain.

I was uneasy during Mass. A lot of people were in the church. I am certain that the increased attendance was because of families coming together to worship. Our own family is fractured, so only the three of us were at Mass. The Christmas service is designed to stimulate love and joy. For some of us, the music, decorations, and ritual of the celebration only highlight an intense feeling a grief.

The deacon offered the prayers of petition to the congregation. One prayer hit home. The deacon told the parishioners,

“For those who have difficulty with Christmas, may they see how much God really loves them.”

He was talking to me there. I always struggle with Christmas. Karin knows this and she doesn’t expect a lot from me. Christmas comes with a lot of baggage. My version of the ghost of Christmas past likes to conjure up painful memories. The ghost of Christmas present doesn’t offer much to inspire me, and the ghost of Christmas future shows me a blank screen. I don’t enjoy Christmas as much as I endure it.

The priest preached about the Incarnation, which is what the holiday is all about. “The Word was made flesh and dwelt among us.” The whole notion of God taking human form is astounding. There is a laser like focus on the birth of Jesus, which is completely understandable, but also a bit unfortunate. The priest did say that one reason for God becoming human was to allow humans to be more like God. We have the opportunity to share in that divinity.

Why do we love the image of the Christ child? What is so attractive about the crèche? Why do we want to hold the baby Jesus in our arms, and have God hold us as well?

Asher is asleep in bed right now. I held him until he dozed off. He cuddles up to me for security and warmth. When I hold him, I hear his breath and feel his heartbeat. Asher brings me closer to God. When I have Asher in my arms, I am embracing the Christ child as well.

William Wordsworth wrote,

“Not in entire forgetfulness,

And not in utter nakedness,

But trailing clouds of glory do we come

From God, who is our home.”

We love small children because they are still so close to God. Even a five-year-old like Asher trails clouds of glory. He still exudes love and joy, not all the time, but enough. His birth is part of the Incarnation of Jesus.

Another English poet, William Blake, contemplated that essence of divinity within each person. He was once questioned about it by a scholar named Crabb Robinson.

Crabb Robinson reported: “On my asking in what light he (William Blake) viewed the great question concerning the divinity of Jesus Christ, he said, ‘He is the only God;’ but then he added, ‘And so am I and so are you.’”

Blake may have taken that a bit too far, but he was essentially right. We all have a piece of God within us. In the East, they would refer to that as Buddha nature. St. Francis of Assisi embraced the leper because he recognized God within that suffering individual. Dorothy Day saw Christ when she served the poor and the homeless. There is that divine spark in every person. In my case, I’ve buried it pretty deep, but it still flickers. It’s still there.

Any child born at any time anywhere shares in the Incarnation of Christ. True, Jesus was born two thousand years ago in a backwater of the Roman Empire. But he’s still being born now, each and every moment.

I look at Asher and I know that. Then I rejoice.

Christmas Cards

December 21st, 2025

I send Christmas cards. Lots of them. I think that my wife and I have mailed over seventy cards this year. I have posted most of them. Almost every day I wrote notes in some cards, put stamps on their envelopes, and dropped them into mailboxes.

Why do that?

The main reason that I send out Christmas cards is because I like doing it. I suppose that is the main reason for me to do anything. In this case, I do it in order to maintain the tenuous relationships I have with far-flung friends and family. I write cards to people all over the world, and with some of them I haven’t seen their faces or heard their voices in decades. Yet I still feel a connection with them. Sometimes we get responses to our cards, but often we don’t. Writing a card is a lot like putting a message in a bottle and tossing it into the sea. The recipient might get it, and they might read it, and they just maybe might write back. Writing and sending physical messages is an anachronistic practice, one that is nearly lost in our age. However, it a means of communication that has soul. There is something almost magical about sending or getting a handwritten card.

It should be noted that I am choosy about what kind of card I send to an individual. Some folks are very focused on the religious aspect of Christmas, and to those persons I usually send a card with a Christian theme. However, I know Jews, Muslims, Buddhist, and atheists who don’t give a hoot about the birth of Christ, yet they celebrate during the season. They get other types of cards. My Jewish friends all got Hanukkah cards. We are celebrating different festivals, but they long for the same things: love, joy, and peace. I try to express similar hopes and wishes in the cards I send to other non-Christians. My family celebrates Christmas, but the message of the Incarnation is universal.

I know people who are insistent that Christmas be solely about Jesus. These are the ones who believe there is a secular war against Christmas. There may in fact be a war, but the real enemies of the holiday are consumerism and greed. Christmas has always been tied with paganism in some way, and that is not necessarily a bad thing. Years ago, we had a real tree in our house and burned real candles on it. That’s a very old German tradition that harks back to pre-Christian times. Christmas has a deep connection with ancient feasts that celebrated the winter solstice and the rebirth of the sun. The holiday is fundamentally about the return of light and warmth in a world that has become cold and dead. The symbolism is all around us this time of year. I have only to look out my window and see all the Christmas lights trying to bring a bit of joy to my part of the world.

When I send a card, I write a message in it tailored to the recipient. I seldom just scribble my name on a card and call it done. Do others actually care what I say? Maybe not. I think they realize that some effort has been put forth. I hope the recognize that I give a damn.

Peace on earth.

Santa Claus-of-Color

August 23rd, 2025

On Thursday morning I took Asher to see his therapist. He goes every week to get help for a number of things. The boy is only four and a half years old, but he’s had more than his fair share of trauma. Asher spent an hour with his clinician, and then I came back to the office to collect him at the end of his session. He wasn’t quite done, so I sat around and talked with Eli and Dr. A. Eli is the office manager and Doctor A runs the whole show.

Doctor A smiled at me and said, “Frank, only four more months and you are going to be our Santa Claus.”

I need to explain this. Three weeks ago, I was sitting in the clinic’s office and Doctor A remarked on the luxuriant growth of my beard. I do have a decent beard. I’m bald as an egg, but I can grow a beard. It reaches down to my breastbone, and it is mostly white and curly. Doctor A, out of the blue, asked if I would be Santa Claus at the clinic’s holiday party for the kids. I thought about it for a moment and said, “Yes”. A life changing decision.

I had thought that maybe Doctor A had been kidding me about the Santa gig. She was not. The woman was deadly serious. I’m committed. I have never been a Santa, and as my wife told me, I would be a rather grumpy one. However, it is my time in life to be St. Nick for children that are involved with the clinic.

When I came to pick up Asher on Thursday, Dr. A start talking to me about the Santa thing again. Eli made comments too. They both seemed much more excited about this event than I am.

Doctor A said to me, “We are going to have to feed you. Now, when you are the Santa-of-color, we need to give you soul food. Frank, what do you know about soul food?”

Whoa…back up. It needs to be noted at this point that Eli and Dr A are Black. The clinic has an eclectic ethnic population, both with regards to service providers and clients. Asher and I are very white. So, how the hell am I going to be the “Santa-of-color” for these kids?

I have been thinking about it. I’m white, but I tan well. Right now, considering my facial features, I could probably pass for somebody from the Middle East or North Africa. Many years ago, When I first met my wife in Germany, she was absolutely convinced that I was Turkish. In the German culture, at least at that time, Turks were considered people of color, and not in a positive way. Could I be an Egyptian Santa? Egypt has some Coptic Christians, and I know a smattering of Arabic. By the time Christmas rolls around, I will be pasty white again. I’m sure as hell not going to try a Trump fake tan. This is just bizarre, but I’m still going to be Santa.

Back to Doctor A’s question. I replied to her, “I like BBQ.”

Both Doctor A and Eli shrugged and groaned. Bad answer.

I tried again, “I’ve had collard greens. I like red beans and rice.”

They both smiled. I had some minimal street cred.

Doctor A talked enthusiastically about soul food. She asked me,

“Frank have you ever had the mac and cheese? You know, the kind that Black people make?”

“Uh, no.”

Eli grinned and said, “Oh Man, it’s got that crispy layer of cheese on the top.”

Doctor A told me, “Frank, it’s goooood. You got to try it.”

I was getting hungry. I hadn’t had anything for breakfast, and these people were talking about food to die for. Fortunately, Asher appeared, laughing and jumping around. It was time to go.

I said, “Asher, we got to go. These people are going make me pass out from hunger.”

I bet we talk more about the Santa gig next Thursday. Doctor A had joked about me wearing African colors when I with the little kids. That might actually happen. I have no idea where this is all going.

Ho ho ho.