March 30th, 2026
A day ago, our grandson, Asher, asked us about somebody whom he loves dearly. This individual went to jail a week ago. That incident was not completely unexpected. Actually, my wife and I knew that it would happen at some point, but we just didn’t know when. It was one of those events that hover on the edge of consciousness until suddenly they are at the very center of life. The incarceration of this person is now our focal point, whether we like it or not.
Shortly after the individual went into custody, Karin and I patiently explained to Asher that the person had made some mistakes and broken some rules and could not visit with Asher for a while. We left the term “a while” intentionally vague. Asher is used to this person being in and out of his life. For a variety of reasons, she has been absent for short periods of time, so Asher is not terribly concerned. Not yet.
Asher asked my wife yesterday afternoon when he would see the person again. Karin told him again that she was in jail. He asked,
“Still?!”
Yeah, still.
Asher does not know that we are probably talking about an absence that most likely will last for years. “A while” probably means “a very long while”. I don’t think he can understand the idea of the person he loves being gone for such an extended period of time. The boy is only five years old. For him, a year is basically forever. For the person he loves, the time in jail will flow into prison time. That is all but certain at this point. His separation from the person will not be total. They will see each other, but much less frequently than they have been able to do in the past. This situation will eventually become real for Asher, and that realization will hit hard.
I can’t wrap my head around the idea either and I have a lot of years behind me. There was a time when my wife and I thought that this person would be able to take over the raising of Asher, which is a task we do now. That may still happen in the distant future, but it is sinking in that my wife and I are all Asher has for the next several years. That is a sobering thought.
Frank is Emptiness 