Five Years Old

December 2nd, 2025

I walked up the staircase to the kindergarten classroom. Martha was at the top of the stairs. She smiled at me and said,

“So, today is the big day! Asher was so excited coming in!”

I found our grandson, Asher, and my wife, Karin standing next to Asher’s school locker. Asher was changing into his indoor shoes, and Karin was exchanging a new set of Asher’s clothes for an older, now too small set that Asher kept in his locker in case he needed to change for some reason. Asher’s classmates were sitting or standing in the hallway waiting for Miss Sara to greet them and bring them into the classroom one by one. She does that with them every school day. It lets the child know that he or she is important to Miss Sara as an individual. Waldorf education puts on emphasis on rituals like that and today was no exception.

Miss Sara told Karin and me that she had set up chairs for us near to her seat. Asher was given a chair right next to Miss Sara today, and only for today. She invited the other children into the classroom, and they all sat in a circle with Miss Karina on a round carpet. Sara brought Asher into the room last of all.

He came in wearing a silk cape and a felted crown that was deep blue in color and studded with stars. She shepherded him up to the front of the room and had him sit next to her facing his classmates. She had a small table in front of her with a wooden platter that held five beeswax candles. She took a match and carefully lit each one. Asher sat in his chair and stared at his classmates.

Miss Sara told the class that today a special day, and she then slowly told them this story:

“Once upon a time, in a place both far away and close to us, there lived a heavenly child. This child worked in the House of the Sun and in the House of the Moon. He was happy in heaven, and he spent time with the angels.

One day, the clouds parted and the heavenly child saw below him a beautiful jewel in the dark sky. He said, ‘What is that? I want to go there!’

His angel replied, ‘That is the earth. You cannot go there yet.’

On another day, the clouds parted again, and the child saw the earth up close. He could see all the different colors and the trees and animals. He could see people. He saw a man and a woman, and he loved them. He said,

‘I want to go down there and be with that family!’

His angel told him, ‘Not yet. First you must work in the House of Dreams.’

So, the child worked in the House of Dreams, and he dreamt of the man and the woman. He also dreamt of grandparents who were full of love. In his dream he told them, ‘I want to be part of your family!’

Woman smiled at him, and the man nodded.

When the child left the House of Dreams, his angel said that he could go to the earth and join the family. The child walked across the rainbow bridge that stretched from heaven to earth. He hesitated for a moment. His angel told him,

‘Go across. I will be at your side.’ “

Miss Sara paused. Then she continued and told the children,

“On that day Asher was born. That was five years ago!”

She told Asher to cup his hands and close his eyes so that she could give him a gift. She dropped two small, highly polished stones into his palms. One was dark green and heart-shaped, and the other had bright, multicolored stripes.

She told him to blow out the candles on the wooden tray. It took him several tries, but he did so.

His classmates cheered.

Asher grinned.

I wept.

Inheritance

July 16th, 2025

“Yet it is not our part to master all the tides of the world, but to do what is in us for the succor of those years wherein we are set, uprooting the evil in the fields that we know, so that those who live after may have clean earth to till. What weather they shall have is not ours to rule.” – Gandalf from The Lord of the Rings

It’s 4:12 AM. I just looked outside. A half-moon sits high above us and casts a pale light on the backyard. The morning star hangs in the eastern sky like a bright jewel. The birds are starting wake up. Otherwise, it all quiet both inside the house and out.

Our little grandson, Asher, is asleep. He likes to lie crosswise in the bed. It is amazing to me how much room a four-year-old can take up. Asher is a restless sleeper. He rolls and moans and sometimes reaches out to me at night. One reason I got up so early was that the boy left me no room in the bed.

The other reason for starting my day while it still dark is that I keep thinking about what kind of world Asher, and our other three grandchildren, will inherit. The future does not look promising. Climate change, mass extinctions, xenophobia, endless wars, and the rise of authoritarianism in our country and around the world make me pessimistic. Asher may grow up and curse me and my generation. He would be right to do so. Asher has already faced intense trauma in his young life. He will grow up and have to contend with enormous challenges, but then perhaps every new generation has to do that.

What can I do for this boy? I’m not sure. Before Asher came into our lives, I was busy as an activist. I taught a citizenship class. I advocated for migrants. I visited veterans in the psych ward of the local VA hospital. I was arrested once at an anti-war demonstration. My wife and I delivered household items during the pandemic to people who could not get to a food pantry. I tried to “uproot the evil in the fields that we know”. I did that in clumsy, ignorant way, but I tried.

(I had to stop writing for a bit. Asher stirred and cried in bed, and I needed to lie next to him until he calmed down again. I will start again with this essay).

Now, I do none of that sort of thing. Asher has become my life. Raising him consumes my time and energy. I feed him. I dress him. I take him to a park or playground nearly every day. We go to libraries together. Sometimes, I read books to him. I dry his tears. My world has grown smaller and far more focused.

In the fall Asher will start kindergarten. He will go to a local Waldorf school. Why there? Because at this school he will be treated with respect. He will learn reverence for nature. He will be exposed to music and art. He will learn to use his hands as well as his head. He will make friends. He will be loved.

Each day I try to do what I can to give Asher and our other grandkids a fighting chance in their brave new world. I don’t understand this world, at least not well enough. I can only do so much. I can’t save Asher from suffering. I can’t protect him from his future.

“What weather they shall have is not ours to rule.”