Lullabies

January 6th, 2019

“This is a letter to my father
Cuz when my mother gave birth to me that man was gone
I didn’t mean to be a bother
Just Looking for guidance Why did he have to leave me all alone
This is a letter to my father
Cuz when my mother gave birth to me that man was gone
Would I have gone any farther?
To many father figures but none of them lasted that long
This has been my life”

from DroRaps

Hans called last night. He just wanted to talk for a while. We don’t really converse. He talks, and I listen. I’m good with that. I could never spill my guts to my dad, so it’s okay with me when Hans rambles on about whatever is bothering him. It’s good for him to vent. It’s good for me to listen.

At first he talked about the work that he needs to do on his car, because he almost always starts the call on that topic. Hans has a number of cars that need fixing, and he doesn’t really have the time or money to repair any of them. Maybe it’s a redneck thing: you have five vehicles, and four of them are stationary with the hoods open. One car runs, and the others are eventually hidden by the tall grass.

After a while, we got to talking about Hans’ new son, Weston. I asked Hans,

“So how’s he doing?”

Hans drawled, “Well, Weston’s all right. Gabi and I have been trying to get him to stay awake a little more during the day.”

“Okay.”

“I’ve been trying to spend time with him. You know, the other guys at work, they wanted to know why I didn’t come back right away after the birth. Those guys, when they had kids, they were back on the job the day after the baby showed up.”

“You needed to be with Gabi and Weston.”

“Yeah, I know. I mean I could have been making money, pumping concrete, but money ain’t everything. Yeah, I got bills to pay, but the bills aren’t the most important thing.”

“You’re right.”

“Dad, I mean that’s why I ain’t gone back to the oil fields. I want to be with Weston.”

“You should be with Weston.”

“I’ve been thinking that when I get vacation, you know, when Weston is a bit older, then I’ll take off a day now and then, and just surprise him by picking him up from school. You know what I mean?”

“Yeah.”

“I want to make it special.”

“Hans, you don’t have to make it special. You just need to be there for Weston. It doesn’t need to be anything fancy. Just be there for him.”

“Well, and I got crazy hours. I got bills to pay.”

“I know, Hans. I am very familiar with that.”

“I got to be away sometimes.”

“I know you do, Hans.”

“I mean, I want to be with Weston, but sometimes I can’t be there.”

“I know, Hans. I know.”

Hans laughed.

He said, “I was trying to get Weston to take a little nap. I was playing this soothing classical music. That didn’t help at all. So, I went to the other end of the spectrum.”

I asked him, “Death metal?”

He replied, “No, stuff like Dr. Dre and Ice Cube.”

“Nice.”

“Yeah, Weston fell asleep right away. I think it was the thump of bass that relaxed him. Gabi was pissed that I played that music for Weston. I figured that he was going to hear it someday anyway, so why not now?”

“What did Mom (Karin) say about it?”

Hans laughed again. “She didn’t like that at all.”

Hans is going to be a good dad.