Irreplaceable

July 23rd, 2024

I went to visit our new doctor for the first time. Our previous family physician retired, and we had to get a replacement. My wife and I chose the new doctor basically at random. We figured we would give him a try, and then decide on whether or not to continue seeing him.

After speaking with his assistant and finding out that my blood pressure was through the roof, the doctor walked into the office. His age is probably fortyish. He looks professional in a rumpled sort of way. He gave me the impression of being both competent and approachable. I like that.

As is standard nowadays, he checked his computer after greeting me. Apparently, due to a hack on the system of our previous doctor, the new guy had precious little to read. He turned his screen toward me and said,

“See this? You’re a ghost.”

The screen was completely blank.

I asked him, “Sooooo, what should we talk about?”

He shrugged. “Just start.”

I told him, “Okay, here’s the deal. My wife and I are legal guardians and fulltime caregivers for our three-year-old grandson, Asher. I need to live until eighty. That’s when he becomes an adult. Fourteen years from now. I am aware that you have no control over when I die. However, let’s work on this.”

He smiled. “Yeah, let’s do that.”

Be advised that living until eighty implies more than just mere survival. I have to be functioning both mentally and physically. (I’m thinking of Joe Biden here). It does no good for me to be alive but sitting in a wheelchair stewing in my own juices. I need to be of use to our grandson.

We talked for half an hour. I told him about the medical history of my family: heart disease, Alzheimer’s, alcohol abuse, and a touch of diabetes. I explained our current situation at home: utter chaos.

He made a note, “Major emotional stressors.”

Indeed.

He decided to crank up the dosage on my blood pressure medication and have me take some blood tests. I’ll get a complete physical as soon as Medicare agrees to pay for it.

It’s good to have goals. As it stands now, Asher will need me and my wife for the foreseeable future. That may change, but I can’t see it happening. A lot of old people die because they no longer feel that they have a purpose in life. We have a purpose, and we have that in spades. There is no question regarding what Karin and I need to do with the time we have left remaining to us. It all revolves around Asher.

I am not so naive as to think the world cannot function without me. I remember a story I read about Charles de Gaulle. It was from a time after the end of WWII, when he was out of power. A staunch supporter of de Gaulle strongly encouraged him to take control of France. The man told de Gaulle,

“You must do this! You are irreplaceable!”

Charles de Gaulle replied dryly, “The cemeteries are full of irreplaceable men.”

True.

Asher needs me now. He will probably need me tomorrow. He won’t always need me. I just have to try and be here for him as long as I can. At some point I will leave him, and that vacuum will be filled by somebody else. That’s okay.