Tag: play-dates

When the Planets Align

June 25th, 2026

Years ago, when I was still working third shift at a trucking company, there was an unusual astronomical occurrence. Three planets (Venus, Mars, and Jupiter) lined up in the predawn sky. I remember taking a break from my work to go outside the building to gaze into the eastern sky and look at the light show. Venus was low near the horizon, a ruddy Mars was slightly higher, and Jupiter was shining just above the other two planets. I thought about what a rare and beautiful event is was. I had never seen anything like that before and might never see anything like again.

I am reminded of the alignment of the planets now because I now find that meeting with a friend has become a rare and beautiful event. It seems like it is getting increasingly difficult for me to get together with other people. Perhaps I am engaging in selective memory, but I recall back in my twenties being able to call somebody on the spur of the moment and then hanging out with that person. Sometimes my friends were busy with work or other commitments, but it was not unusual to hook up with somebody at a moment’s notice. People were more available then. I’m not sure why.

Part of my problem probably stems from the fact that I don’t fit neatly into any particular social group. I have been retired for a decade, but I seldom participate in senior activities. That is because my wife and I are busy raising Asher, our five-year-old grandson, and we don’t generally have time for the things that most old people do. Our schedules are not usually in synch with our contemporaries. On the flip side of that, I don’t necessarily fit in with the young parents of Asher’s classmates at the Waldorf school. I am, like these younger caregivers, focused on raising a child, but the members of their generation are also preoccupied with their careers, domestic relationships, and future plans. My schedule seldom matches with theirs. The planets don’t align.

There are other factors involved. I blame the Internet to some degree. We are able to connect electronically and instantaneously with people all over the globe, yet we are losing the ability to actually talk to another person face to face. Humans are social animals, but social media has paradoxically made us less so. It is far easier to doom scroll than it is to set up a time and date for having coffee with someone, and then actually getting up and going someplace to meet the person. We tend to avoid physical interaction with others. It is more convenient to sit around the house and stare at a screen, which of course is exactly what I am doing now. My wife and Asher are doing something similar in the living room while I am writing this sentence.

I have been trying to set up play dates for Asher with his kindergarten compadres. I have found this to be a frustrating process. Many of his classmates are almost constantly in some kind of summer camp. I understand why that is. Almost all of the parents are working fulltime to pay the bills, and they are not available to watch over their kids. My wife and I are unique in the fact that we are home with Asher. Once again, scheduling becomes difficult. Asher has managed to have a couple play dates since the school year ended, but they have been for only short periods of time. These meetings have often felt rushed, with the adults acutely aware that they need to be somewhere immediately after the play date ends. It is good for Asher to meet with his friends, and it is good for me to get to know the other parents better. However, it is sad that these gatherings seldom feel relaxed. That bothers me.

You might ask, “Why doesn’t Asher just play with the other kids in the neighborhood?” That’s a good question. The answer is that there aren’t any children his age on our street. That is not to say that the area is completely devoid of children, but there are not many of them. It is not like it was a generation ago when our kids could go a couple doors down the block and hang out with their buddies. There simply are not very many kids. Period. It also appears that whatever children are in the neighborhood spend much of their time indoors. The curse of the computer age. Why play outside when you can binge on video games for hours on end?

I am by nature an introvert. That is one reason I write. It requires real effort for me to reach out to others. For me, arranging a meeting with friends is work, but it is necessary work. These planets won’t align on their own.

Play Dates

March 8th, 2026

“When is she going to be here?”

That was Asher’s endlessly repeated question on Friday. Asher and his kindergarten classmates had Friday off from school. I had spoken to the mother of one of the girls in Asher’s class a few days before, and the mom had suggested that her daughter and Asher have a play date. After school, I asked Asher what he thought of the idea, and his eyes widened as he grinned. He exclaimed,

“Yes! Yes! It will be my first play date!”

Asher thought it was a really big deal, and actually it was. The first play date is a milestone of sorts for a little boy or little girl. It is a major step in how they socialize with other kids. It’s true that our grandson, Asher, went to class every day with this girl, and they interacted while they were in school, but a play date is something different. It’s an unstructured meeting, or perhaps it’s just structured differently. In any case, the children come together in a new environment with new possibilities. That’s exciting. It’s also an opportunity for potential growth, whether or not the kids see it that way.

When I was in kindergarten, eons ago, there were no play dates. You saw your schoolmates in the classroom, but not anywhere else, unless they happened to live in your neighborhood. My parents did not like the idea of me or my six younger brothers interacting with other children, even when we were much older than Asher is. Our family had kind of fortress mentality. Outsiders were looked at with suspicion and sometimes hostility. We were rather isolated, maybe more so than other children of that time.

Our kids had friends from school, and they did sometimes get together with them. I don’t know if we ever had anything that we called a “play date”. The meetings our children had with others were more informal and haphazard. Maybe, it was better like that. I don’t know. Those were different times. Now, it is rare for any parent to stay at home to raise a child. A generation ago, my wife was home with our kids while I worked. My experience with the caregivers of the students in Asher’s kindergarten is that they are all working/studying fulltime. Asher is almost unique in the sense that both of his caregivers, Karin and me, are retired and we can be with him all the time if need be. I doubt that any of his classmates are in a similar situation. Because the adults are so busy with their jobs, it is necessary to carefully schedule any meeting between the children. That means we have to organize play dates, whether we like it or not.

In any case, Asher was enthusiastic about seeing the little girl. The weather forecast to be rainy on Friday, so meeting at a playground was out of the question. We determined that it would work best if the mom and her daughter came to our house for a visit. Asher was ecstatic. As I mentioned, he kept asking,

“When is she going to come?!”

My answer was, “In (fill a number in the blank) hours.”

Then Asher would ask, “Is that a long time?”

That depends on who you are. For me it wasn’t very long. For Asher, whatever I told him was an eternity. At last, his classmate arrived. It took a while for her to get out of the car and into our house since she insisted on putting on a dress over whatever else she was wearing. She looked great when she walked through the front door.

Her mom brought a pizza in with her. We all sat at the dining room table and ate. The girl and her mother often talked together in Spanish, but they spoke in English to Asher, Karin, Asher’s mom, and me. The kids played with Asher’s overabundance of toys. Karin and I sat with the mother and had a long conversation with her. I think that was important to do. The children need to get to know each other better. The caregivers need to do that too. We need to understand each other in order to build trust and a sense of community. It is hard to do that at the school. The adults often seem harried, and it is hard to have any kind of meaningful discussion while a parent is dropping off their child just before class begins.

The Friday session went well. Asher and his friend had a good time, and Karin and I learned some things about the girl’s mom. I feel confident that we will eventually set up another meeting.

Yesterday, I got a text from the father of another of Asher’s other classmates. Asher is very fond of this girl. The dad was excited about getting Asher and his daughter together. Since the weather was supposed to be good, the father and I decided to meet together today at the playground of South Shore Park on the edge of Lake Michigan. I told Asher about this development. At first, he was thrilled. Then he started complaining that he really didn’t want to go to the playground. He wanted a play date with the girl, but I think he wanted her to come to our home. I explained to him that the dad wanted us to meet at a playground. Asher repeated to me that he didn’t want to go here. He was very upset. He started sobbing. I said,

“Okay, I’ll text her dad and tell him that we can’t come for the play date.”

Asher replied firmly, “NO. Don’t do that. It’s fine.”

He still had tears on his cheeks, and he continued, “It’s okay. I should go. I don’t want her to cry.”

This afternoon, Karin, Asher, Asher’s mom, and I met with the girl, her sister, and their dad at the park. It went swimmingly. The kids ran wild. The adults talked and got more familiar with each other. We were at the playground for two hours. It was a good time, truly.

Asher told me, “This is the best play date ever!”

I’m sure it was, at least until the next one.