Wake Up!

February 20th, 2024

“Dad. Hey Dad.”

Those words slipped into a dream I was having. I couldn’t match the words with the voice of anyone in the dream. Then I heard them again, a bit more insistent.

“Dad. Hey Dad!”

I suddenly became aware that the words were coming from outside of the dream. I woke up with a start and looked toward the open bedroom door.

There was a faint light in the hallway from the solatube in the ceiling. The silhouette of my youngest son was in the doorway. This caused some initial confusion in my mind.

Stefan immediately began to speak as I started to get up. He said,

“I’m sorry to wake you up, but I need the key to the Corolla. I got a job starting at 6:00, and I forgot to take my work stuff out of the back seat. If you give me the key, I’ll grab my shit and go.”

I had trouble understanding what was happening. I was trying to mesh the jagged remnants of a dream with pieces of a new reality, and it wasn’t going well. I vaguely remembered that Stefan had borrowed the Toyota for a few days while his truck was in the shop. I also remembered that he had brought it back to our house during the previous afternoon. I then remembered that Stefan had a house key, which explained why he was in my bedroom.

I stumbled to my feet and asked him,

“What time is it?”

“10:30.”

I had been sleeping for maybe two hours when he came to the house. Everyone else was still asleep. I preferred to keep it that way, as did Stefan.

I found my pants and pulled the car keys out of right pocket. I handed them to Stefan. I became aware that I needed to piss.

Stefan was very apologetic. He quickly told me,

“Thanks. I’ll get my tools and be on my way. I’ll leave the keys on the kitchen counter. Sorry about the night terrors.”

He walked away. I heard the front door open and close. I then realized that I was standing there holding my pants, and that I still needed to piss.

Eventually, I laid down again. I was no longer sleepy. I thought about what Stefan had said about night terrors. It’s true that I had been abruptly awakened, but that did not qualify as night terrors. Oh no, night terrors are a whole different animal. That much I know.

A few nights after that, my wife got me up. She was not nearly as gentle as Stefan.

“WAKE UP! You’re screaming in your sleep again! You’ll wake up Asher!”

I woke up. Karin was standing at the edge of the bed. She sounded annoyed.

She asked me, “Are you okay?”

I mumbled, “Yeah.”

She didn’t hear me. She asked again, “Are you okay?”

I said a bit more loudly, “Yeah.”

She stated, “You were dreaming again. You almost woke up Asher.”

Asher is our three-year-old grandson.

I replied faintly, “Okay”.

Karin left the bedroom.

I laid back on the pillow. I had just participated in night terrors again. It’s really hard to describe them, because I don’t remember much of the experience. Night terrors are like virtual reality gone bad. The dreams are absolutely terrifying and real while I am inside of them. Usually, all I can recall is that I was in a life-or-death struggle with some amorphous, dark force, something blacker than black and utterly evil.

As I laid in the bed after Karin left me, I felt totally drained. The bed cover was thrown all around me. My throat hurt from screaming. My heart was pounding way too fast. All my muscles were still tense. There was adrenaline pulsing through my body. I was wide awake.

My wife is wary when she tries to wake me up from night terrors. While in the dream, I flail about with my arms and legs, so she keeps a safe distance away. I am in the fight-or-flight mode, and in the past, she has been hurt trying to rouse me. I’ve seen the bruises. Her current technique is to yell at me until I come back from the Matrix. It works.

I am loud during night terrors. My daughter told me,

“When you dream, you scream things like: ‘I’ll fucking kill you, you cocksucker!’ It’s pretty intense.”

Indeed.

Night terrors leave a bitter aftertaste. Sometimes, my throat aches and my muscles hurt the next day. I feel like I have been in a street fight, and actually I have. My mind has been in a psychic battle royale, and my body went along for the ride.

I am scared after night terrors. It takes a long time to fall asleep again. I don’t want to go back to sleep, because the I don’t know if the demon is still lurking in my unconscious. I never have repeat performances during the same night, but I am still on edge.

I don’t know what causes my night terrors. I don’t think anyone knows. There are no warning signs. The episodes appear to be completely random, which increases the fear factor. They just happen, and they have been happening for years.

Stefan startled me during the night, but that wasn’t too scary. Night terrors are scary. Really scary.