April 18th, 2026
I tore down Asher’s baby crib a couple days ago. I had been avoiding that particular task for as long as I could. This piece of furniture is actually a combination crib/changing table. It has numerous parts, all of which are held together with hex nuts. I hate hex nuts. The little hex wrenches are always awkward to use and easy to misplace. It would have been okay if all
I needed was one wrench for all the nuts. But nooooooooo, I needed two wrenches and I usually tried to use the wrong one first. There was a lot of swearing going on, which somehow seemed inappropriate.
Asher’s crib has been in his bedroom for over five years. Asher has slept in it a total of one time, and that was for a brief daytime nap. Asher has almost always slept with Karin and/or me, mostly with me. So, the crib is essentially brand new. We are giving it away to a Methodist church in Racine, Wisconsin, not too far from where we live. We are also donating Asher’s stroller, highchair, and anything else that a five-year-old no longer needs. Since Asher came to our house from the NICU back in December of 2020, we have accumulated an enormous amount of stuff that needs a new home. The goal is to get this paraphernalia to people who need it more than we do, and at this point we don’t need any of it at all.
Getting rid of the crib opens a space in Asher’s room for his big boy bed. This bed used to belong to Asher’s uncle many years ago. It has two large drawers underneath that are on rollers for easy access. Asher is excited about having a big boy bed, as well he should be. Now, he can sleep alone if he wants. I expect that he will use his “new-to-him” bed most nights. Sometimes, he will probably find his way into my bedroom when he needs somebody to hold him. I am sure that Asher will get used to sleeping by himself, and then someday, maybe in fifteen years or so, he will once again want to sleep with someone else, albeit for very different reasons than he has now.
It seems natural, although perhaps sad, to tear down something in order to build something new. Things become obsolete and have to be discarded. These things might be physical objects, or they can be habits and routines. Asher has outgrown the crib. As his caregivers, we have to outgrow any attachment we have to his time as a baby or a toddler. Not everything goes away. Hell, we still have child safe electrical outlets from when Asher’s mama was a little girl. Life moves forward and we have to move along with it.
I had to tighten up the frame of Asher’s big boy bed. It’s held together with hex nuts.
Frank is Emptiness 