Inside and Out

January 14th, 2025

“Stop! Stop yelling! You’ll wake up Asher!”

That’s what I heard as Karin wrenched me out of the night terror. This is not the first time that she has had to do that, and I am certain that it won’t be the last. It’s extremely disorienting when Karin has to drag me back into the material world. She only does that when she is worried that I will hurt myself or somebody else during a night terror. I tend to thrash about and scream. That bothers her.

Asher sleeps with me. He has never slept alone, and he insists that I hold him in my arms when he is ready for bed. Often, we both fall asleep simultaneously, and I will wake up hours later only to realize that my left arm has gone completely numb from the weight of his head on my bicep. At that point, I generally try to free my arm from underneath his noggin without waking the boy. I can usually find a way to slide it out.

My night terrors like to arrive early in the evening. They don’t appear often, but when they do, they mean business. I don’t know why they come. Their emotional content is overwhelming, and the dream events are vague and illogical. Like any good horror story, the scary parts are half-hidden and obscure. If Karin does not wake me soon enough, my heart rate goes sky high, and I wind up with a sore throat from yelling. These are not pleasant episodes.

Last night, I dreamed that Asher was lying in bed with me, which in reality he was. At the foot of our bed stood two mysterious figures. One looked like a massive white wolf and the other reminded me of a vampire, jet black with glowing red eyes. The two of them exuded menace. I knew intuitively that they were demons. I wanted to protect Asher, so I started praying at an incredibly high volume. I got through one Hail Mary and one Our Father. The two demons quivered and flickered like candle flames in a drafty room.

Then Karin burst into the bedroom. It was just as well. If she had left me alone, I would have recited the whole rosary like the lead singer from Five Finger Death Punch, and I would have awakened the little guy.

Once Karin was certain that I was up, she quickly left. I glanced to my left and saw Asher fast asleep. His cherubic face was illuminated by the moonbeam that was pouring into the room from the skylight. He dead to the world. He hadn’t heard me at all. Good.

I did not go back to sleep for quite a while. The images in my mind were still vivid and raw. Are there really demons? I pondered that. Carl Jung was convinced that dreams are meaningful. I have to agree. But what do they mean? What did this one mean?

I’m up now, obviously. Asher is still sleeping, and he is likely enjoying innocent dreams. He tends to giggle in his sleep. I’m happy for him.